


Consequences

by nanifairy (ktwrites1530)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, bobhwan, junbob, junhwan, not fluff ok, this got longer than how it's supposed to be haha, yunbob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktwrites1530/pseuds/nanifairy
Summary: "Should we make him choose then? You or me?"Bobby was the comforting air that kept Jinhwan afloat. Junhoe was the fire that lit up his life.And it's been two years since it all started.A choice had to be made.





	1. One Too Many Drinks

It started out as a joke.

_Should we make him choose then? You or me?_

Junhoe and Bobby—a pair of names that was already strange to mention in the same breath—were the only men left standing in the party that Yunhyeong had organized, in celebration of Junhoe’s birthday. Chanwoo was passed out on the small couch, his long frame barely fitting. Hanbin was lights out by the time they passed him the third can of his favorite flavoured beer. Donghyuk flopped onto one of the large bean bags on the floor, hand still holding a paper cup half-filled with beer, which was amazingly not spilling. Yunhyeong had disappeared into his room.

And then there was Jinhwan.

He was the third to drop. He and Junhoe had split a bottle of whiskey even though it wasn’t Jinhwan’s main choice of drink, and then afterwards, with a drunken grin and droopy eyes, walked towards where Bobby was drinking with Donghyuk. He nudged Bobby, and Bobby asked his question wordlessly by raising his eyebrow.

Jinhwan, with pleading eyes, patted Bobby’s thigh, and Bobby just sighed. He shifted his position on the bench, and the emotion on Jinhwan’s face changed to satisfaction. And then Jinhwan laid down, his head on Bobby’s lap, closing his eyes. After a few minutes, Jinhwan reached up, as if searching for something, and he found it—Bobby’s hand.

Jinhwan placed Bobby’s hand on his chest, his own hand on top of it, and drifted to sleep.

Across the room, Junhoe was watching the entire scene, an unreadable expression on his face.

Junhoe filled the shot glass with soju, and slid it across the table towards Bobby, who caught it before it fell off the edge. “Cheers,” Junhoe said lifelessly, gulping down his drink without even clinking his glass with Bobby’s.

Bobby shrugged, drinking his. They had skirted past the awkwardness and were nearly draining the list of small talk topics. They weren’t that close—Bobby only got invited to the party because Jinhwan made him his plus one.

Bobby wouldn’t have come, otherwise. Why would he go to the party of someone who makes his relationship with Jinhwan complicated?

“You should’ve made him stop drinking earlier. He has been drinking quite frequently lately,” Bobby said. Jinhwan was, after all the only other thing they had in common, that one topic that they have kept at bay for one and a half bottles of soju.

It was time.  

“Come on, Bobby hyung,” Junhoe said with a smirk, and Bobby hid his surprise that, at the very least, Junhoe had called him ‘hyung.’ “Have you ever managed to stop Jinhwan hyung before?” the younger guy asked, which made Bobby pause.

 _I have,_ Bobby thought, _but it wasn’t without all the damn nagging. And then after that Jinhwan would give me a bit of a cold shoulder because he is proud—too damn proud—to admit that I was right._

But he didn’t say that.

The knowing look that Junhoe gave him told Bobby that he knew that, too.

With a heavy sigh, Bobby said, “Is he okay?” His voice was quiet and soft, afraid of waking Jinhwan and everyone else up.  Jinhwan groaned and wrinkled his face, as if there was something irritating him. Both Junhoe and Bobby waited with bated breaths, if he would wake up.

But then Jinhwan settled back to sleep, holding tightly at Bobby’s hand on his chest.

Bobby grabbed his jacket hanging at the back of his seat and covered Jinhwan with it. Jinhwan snuggled against the soft fabric of his jacket, and then, after a few seconds, started to snore softly.

Bobby looked up at Junhoe, whose eyes were momentarily closed. Bobby thought he had also fallen asleep when Junhoe opened them again, and his eyes were unreadable.

“Is he okay?” Bobby asked again.

Junhoe raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you know? You’re the best friend.”

Bobby smirked. “Stop shitting me, Junhoe,” he said, his voice cold. “You know as well as I do that even if I’m the best friend, there are still some things that fall through the cracks.”

Junhoe stopped, surprised at Bobby’s tone. And then Bobby blinked, clearing his throat. He let out a loud exhale, and then he took a deep breath. What he was about to say was something difficult for him to admit. “He… he talks to you, Junhoe. He talks to you in a way that he doesn’t with me,” Bobby said, his tone softer.

Junhoe nodded slowly. “Jinani hyung is fine.”  He didn’t want to reveal anything to Bobby as these weren’t his stories to tell. They were Jinhwan’s. _These are mine and Jinhwan’s. These are what I have with him, and I’m not going to share these with you, because that would take away whatever upper hand I have over you,_ Junhoe thought.

Bobby stared at Junhoe, seeing through his lie, and but he let it pass. There were days when he felt that something was bearing down on Jinhwan, but even if he pressed Jinhwan about it, the hyung would tell him that it was fine. He couldn’t quite place it—he was Jinhwan’s best friend, and they’ve known each other since they were kids. He knew his hyung inside and out, just like Jinhwan with him.

That was a universally accepted fact.

 _So why, when it comes to certain things, Jinhwan couldn’t talk to me about them?_ Bobby thought.

Junhoe smacked his lips loudly, breaking into Bobby’s thoughts. “How did you find out about me?”

“He told me,” Bobby replied, “that he was seeing someone.”

Bobby swallowed the lump in his throat, remembering it like it was yesterday when in fact it was two years back: Jinhwan came home with a bouquet of peonies, which was an unusual flower choice to Bobby. There was a weird smile on Jinhwan’s face, something that he hasn’t seen in a long while. When he probed who the flowers were from, Jinhwan was just mum about it, shrugging. He then looked up online what the flower meant, and he saw they were mostly associated with romance. So, he stood there, while Jinhwan fixed him a taco as a midnight snack, waiting for him to say it, that there was someone.

And then the shoe dropped.

_I’m seeing someone. His name is Junhoe._

“And…?” Junhoe prompted Bobby.

Bobby frowned. “And what?”

“Come on, hyung. You know what I mean.”

“No. You have to spell it out for me.”

Junhoe groaned, impatient. “How did you feel?”

The frown on Bobby’s face deepened. “Am I supposed to feel anything?” he said, which was also exactly what he asked himself after Jinhwan dropped that news two years ago. _Was he supposed to feel anything, that his best friend for so many years was seeing someone?_

Junhoe looked at him straight in the eye. When he spoke, there was so much conviction in his tone. “You love him. _You’re in love with him_. So, yes. You were supposed to feel something.”

Bobby stayed silent, speechless. Here was Junhoe, somebody whom he had met very sporadically ever since he had stepped into Jinhwan’s life, saying the words aloud, words that everybody in Jinhwan and Bobby’s circle of friends and family had left unspoken for years.

And the way Junhoe spoke…

 _Jinhwan was right,_ Bobby thought, _Junhoe_ is _mature_.

“Bobby hyung, to quote you, ‘stop shitting me,’” Junhoe said when Bobby still didn’t speak. “I’m putting my cards here on the table, so I hope you would, too. These are 3AM conversations over alcohol and over a guy we both would carry and bear the universe for.”

Bobby looked at Junhoe and tried to assess the face of the guy who sat across him. Junhoe’s face was hard and tough, and his eyes were clear, as if he hadn’t been drinking since the party had started six hours earlier. His demeanor was different now—more open than it was they started to talk about Jinhwan.

It was also a face of a man who was tired.

“He is… different with me,” Junhoe started. He was gazing at Jinhwan, but Bobby could see that his mind was far away. He was circling his forefinger on the edge of his shot glass, over and over and over. “When I see Jinani hyung with you, he goes… soft. And the way he talks about you—” Junhoe cut himself short, shaking his head.

“You’ve been best friends for years—hell, you could probably write the handbook on Jinhwan hyung. And with you he could be anything, you know? I’ve seen him make himself smaller—well, smaller than he is, but you get what I mean,” Junhoe said, and Bobby let out a soft laugh, nodding. “He is smaller and softer with you, and then you take him and wrap yourself around him. He allows himself to be vulnerable to you, because you protect him. You take care of him better than anyone I’ve seen, and that’s already counting Yunhyeong hyung—who’s one of the best in taking care of anyone.”

Junhoe took his glass, filled it up with the remaining contents of the soju bottle, and then tossed the drink back in one gulp. “But at the same time, I’ve seen Jinhwan hyung and how he can be brutal to you—playfully brutal—and you just… take it. All with that big smile of yours as if it’s okay.”

“His love language,” Bobby said, while running his fingers through Jinhwan’s hair, “is touch. And sometimes he gets playful with those touches and punches with his small hands, but that’s Jinhwan hyung for you, you know? Those and his nagging… these are all his ways to show you he cares for you.”

Junhoe nodded. “He’s weird, but he’s my weirdo.” A faint smile lit up his dim face.

“When he—” Bobby began, and he had to pause to clear his throat because his voice was hoarse. And then he tried to start again. “When he got home that first day with those peonies, I felt my life was shifting. Like there a switch that someone had turned on and a new road was opened, and you don’t know what lies ahead. But you can’t go back because the only way to go was forward. You were unknown territory, Junhoe-ya, because before you, it was just me and Jinani hyung. Just me and him against the world.”

Bobby looked down at the sleeping Jinhwan on his lap. He looked angelic and beautiful, and it almost made his heart ache. “But with you in the picture, it became me and him _and_ the world, because Junhoe, you were his world,” Bobby continued, his voice cracking at the end.

Bobby smiled sadly. “If you marveled about the way he talks about me to you, you should hear how he talks about _you_.”  Bobby looked up at Junhoe, eyes sincere. “He lights up, Junhoe—there isn’t any other way to describe it. It’s like you have given him a breath of fresh air. He told me—I think it was after one of your trips to Japan or something—with a bright big smile on his face: _Junhoe-ya makes me feel alive_.”

Junhoe stood up, processing this information. From the cooler that was at the foot of the table, he grabbed two cans of beers. He opened one and handed it to Bobby before he sat back down. Then he popped open the tab and took a couple of gulps. And then, gently, he set it back down on the table, waiting.

Silence reigned for a few moments, with only the soft snores of Jinhwan and the rest of the guys in the room could be heard. Bobby looked at his beer but didn’t drink it. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and it was taking all his energy to stop himself from crying. He took one deep breath, and then said, “You make him happy, Junhoe, in so many ways that I couldn’t.”

A tear escaped the confines of his eyes, and Bobby quickly brushed it dry with the back of his hand. He let out a long, shaky breath as he tried to get back his bearings.  

Junhoe sighed. “I knew what I got into when Jinhwan hyung and I officially got together. I never felt insecure and never questioned him whenever he says he loved me, because I know he does. I know that damn well enough.” He gritted his teeth, and his lower lip was shaking. It was his turn to let out a long sigh, shaking his head. “But it wasn’t just me and him in this relationship, hyung. There was you. The whole you in the middle of it all.”

Bobby scoffed. “I’m not going to apologize for that.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Junhoe retorted. “But we’re here now. I love him—”

“And _I_ love him,” Bobby cut in, and a chill went down his spine because it was the first time he was able to say it to someone else. He couldn’t walk that back now and un-ring the bell because he already said it out loud. _It’s real now_. The irony wasn’t lost on him that the person he was telling it to was to the boyfriend of the guy that he loved.

Junhoe gave him a dark smile, as if he was proud that Bobby finally said it. He took another gulp of his beer, and—with the same dark smile—said, “Should we make him choose then? You or me?”

Bobby chuckled. “That would be a fun conversation to have,” he said. “‘Hey, Jinani hyung, three’s a crowd in a relationship. It’s time for you to choose.’” And then Bobby turned serious. “But seriously speaking, Junhoe. I don’t want him to lose you. Not over me. He loves you too much.”

Junhoe grunted. “I want to say the same thing, but you have to get where I am coming from. He’s my boyfriend, but he goes home to you. I don’t even get the weekends, because those are yours. He doesn’t stay with me, because no matter what, he goes home to you. You’re his goddamn solace,” he said. Junhoe placed his head in his hands, a sob escaping his lips. “I know he loves me, but I’m damn scared that he would choose you. And I won’t be able to live with that.”

Seeing Junhoe sob, as if having a mind of their own, Bobby’s tears also fell. Both cried silently for a while, finding strange comfort in each other and in their love for the same guy.

Then when they were both cried out, Junhoe looked up at him, eyes swollen and hair disheveled.

And then, with a deep breath, Junhoe said, “So what are we going to do now?”

******

On Bobby’s lap, lying awake but with eyes closed and pretending to be asleep, tears also streamed down Jinhwan’s face.

Jinhwan had fallen asleep in the comfort of Bobby’s lap and covered in Bobby’s warmth, but he was awakened when he heard two of the most familiar voices to him talking. At first, his interest was piqued. It was rare for Junhoe and Bobby to be in the same room together; it was even rarer for them to talk to each other. They only knew of each other from Jinhwan’s stories. And for them to talk about seemingly random things, even if they were awkward at first, was amazing.

And then the topic had turned to him.

It was illuminating, to say the least, for Jinhwan to hear how Junhoe and Bobby had seen each other from Jinhwan’s eyes: Bobby was the comforting air that kept him afloat and Junhoe was the fire that lit up his life.

Jinhwan knew he was selfish, because he wanted to keep them both for himself. _He needed them both to live_.

And he knew—he knew about Bobby’s feelings for him. He knew because he also loved Bobby in the same way. He wanted him and Bobby to happen so bad that on some days he wanted to flip a coin to decide their fate: heads he would make a move and change the course of their relationship, and tails they remain their status quo.

But status quo was the safest option, because he was scared—that he would hurt Bobby, that Bobby would hurt him, that it wouldn’t work out and he would lose Bobby.

And then Junhoe happened.

Junhoe was that wave that rocked his and Bobby’s boat. He was, somehow, a welcome disruption to the status quo that Jinhwan and Bobby had. Initially, Jinhwan entertained Junhoe because he wanted to see what Bobby would do. Would Bobby finally confess? Would Bobby say no, you can’t see anyone, what about me, I love you?

But Bobby didn’t do anything. He stayed there, supportive as ever of him.

So, Jinhwan thought: _Why can’t I keep both my best friend and my boyfriend? Lots of people have both. They co-exist. They survive._

But Yunhyeong had pointed out to him what he didn’t think was that obvious. “Hyung, you do realize that for those people, the best friend and the boyfriend co-exist because the person in the middle doesn’t have romantic feelings for the best friend, right? The person in the middle doesn’t go out with the boyfriend and then go home to the best friend at the end of the day.”

Two years.

It’s been two years.

He had held on maybe for too long.

They all held on for too long.

Maybe it _was_ time to choose.


	2. The Consequence

**_Hey, this is Junhoe. I got your number from Yunhyeong hyung. Hope it’s okay that I messaged you. Have you heard from Jinani hyung?_ **

Hey, Junhoe. No, he left yesterday morning saying he wanted to visit his mom, but he hasn’t texted me yet. He’s supposed to be home tonight.

**_Okay. He hasn’t messaged me also. Please let me know if he’s home safe already._ **

Yep, sure!

**_You gotta admit this is strange._ **

I think we’re over the strange part, considering the conversation the other day.

**_Haha, right._ **

**_Wait, he’s here._ **

On a Sunday?

**_Oh, this can’t be good._ **

******

“Hyung?”

Jinhwan tossed his keys to Junhoe’s apartment onto the living room’s center table and headed straight for the kitchen, where he laid the paper bags he was carrying on the counter. He deposited the other large bag that he was carrying on the floor.

 _What is that bag for?_ Junhoe thought.

Jinhwan walked towards the surprised Junhoe, who only managed to stand from where he was seated on the living room couch. He smiled a sweet smile, grabbing Junhoe’s arm, tiptoeing. He planted a chaste kiss on his boyfriend’s lips, teasing, waiting for Junhoe to take the bait and turn it into something deeper.

But he didn’t.

Jinhwan, puzzled, pulled back. Junhoe normally and easily responds to him—but this time he just stood there. “Junhoe-ah?”

“It’s a Sunday,” Junhoe started slowly.

Jinhwan grinned. “I am aware of what day of the week it is, thank you very much. Tomorrow is a Monday, too, FYI, hun.” He leaned forward and kissed Junhoe on his chin.

“You don’t see me on Sundays.”

“Maybe it is time for a change,” Jinhwan said with a shrug. He turned and headed for the kitchen, where he started to take out the contents of the paper bags. “Mom cooked, and I asked if I could bring some for you. She sends her regards, by the way.”

Still perplexed, Junhoe stayed silent, watching the scene unfold in front of his eyes. After the conversation that he and Bobby had a couple of nights ago which ended in an impasse, he had thought about how strange his relationship with Jinhwan was. Jinhwan was his first boyfriend, but even then, he was pretty sure that wasn’t how relationships would normally go.

“Okay, maybe if I start to heat up the food, you’ll wake up from whatever state you’re in,” Jinhwan said, and Junhoe blinked, trying to focus. He walked over to the kitchen, where Jinhwan was reheating the first dish.

“And hun, can I stay over for a couple of days, too? I hope you don’t mind.” Jinhwan’s voice was too sweet, almost sticky.

The alarm bells started to ring in his head. “Did something happen with Bobby hyung?” Junhoe asked.

“No, nothing happened,” Jinhwan said, and the younger guy paused to observe him, trying to see if he was lying.

Jinhwan’s tell wasn’t there—he would clasp his hands together if he was lying.

“Honey?” Jinhwan prompted, when Junhoe didn’t speak.

“Of course,” Junhoe said. “You can stay for as long as you like.” He turned around, taking his phone out of his pocket, pulling up his conversation with Bobby.

**_He said he’s staying over for a couple of days._ **

******

Bobby read and re-read Junhoe’s message. **_He said he’s staying over for a couple of days._** Jinhwan never stayed over at Junhoe’s—so this was, again, another unchartered territory.

He sunk into his sofa with a heavy sigh.

Was Jinhwan finally making a choice?

******

“It’s only been four days. But why does it feel like longer?”

Yunhyeong sighed, watching as Bobby placed his head on top of his arms, eyes focused on the glass of water in front of him. He pouted his lips, sulking. He refused to drink any alcohol that Yunhyeong attempted to ply him with, and instead only requested that Yunhyeong cook him food.

While Yunhyeong cooked, Bobby complained about how Jinhwan hasn’t messaged him for four days now and how he hasn’t come home yet. _Did I do anything wrong? What did I miss? What the hell is going on?_

“Junhoe updates you, right?” Yunhyeong asked, turning to him with the wooden spoon on his hand, ready to taste whatever he was cooking. “That was a weird thing to say.”

“He hasn’t messaged me since yesterday,” Bobby said, even more gloomily. “And you know what? I went to Jinhwan hyung’s room last night, and more clothes are gone. It’s like he goes there when he knows I wouldn’t be there. He’s slowly moving out and I…” He let out a loud exhale. “I would get it, if he chooses Junhoe. But I wish he’d tell me that he did.”

Yunhyeong turned off the stove, carrying the hot pan of fried rice towards Bobby and placed it on top of the wooden cooking board. “He came here, Saturday, after the party. Before he went to his mom’s,” Yunhyeong said.

“Who?”

“Jinani hyung.”

“Oh.” Bobby sat up, taking the plate that Yunhyeong was offering him. He held it up and Yunhyeong ladled fried rice on it, and then transferred some chicken fillet that he had fried to a good crispy golden-brown color. Yunhyeong also did the same to his own plate, and then settled down on the seat across Bobby.

“He was awake when you and Junhoe were talking. He heard everything.”

“Oh. _Ohhhh,_ ” Bobby said, his eyes wide in shock. He pushed the plate of food away, suddenly losing his appetite. “ _Oh shit_.”

Yunhyeong sighed, starting to eat. “Now do you want the alcohol?”

Bobby groaned, shaking his head. “What did he say?”

“That he was hoping he didn’t have to choose? But that it was also stupid of him to think that this was going to last forever.”

“He heard everything,” Bobby said more of a statement than a question, as he tried to recall everything that he said that night. And then he buried his head in his hands. “Even the part where I said I won’t let him lose Junhoe over me.”

“Yup,” Yunhyeong said, smacking his lips loudly at the _p_.

“Shit.”

“Yup.” Yunhyeong said it in the same way and Bobby gave him a glare, which Yunhyeong returned with a grin. And then he turned serious, pushing the plate towards Bobby again, urging him to eat. Bobby spooned some of the rice in his mouth, and chewed quickly, not really tasting his food.

“Bobby-ah, you shouldn’t say things that you don’t mean,” Yunhyeong said after a while.

Bobby’s voice was cold and hard when he spoke. “Hyung, I meant it when I said that I love him.”

“I know,” Yunhyeong said calmly. “I’ve known and seen that for years. Do you think that’s the thing that I would question?” He reached out and touched Bobby on his arm. “But did you mean it when you said you’re fine if he chooses Junhoe? You said just now that you would get it, but do you mean it?”

“I… I don’t know,” Bobby said with a heavy sigh. He looked up at Yunhyeong, his face crestfallen. He ran his hands over his already messy hair, a lone tear falling from his eye. “Is that why… Is that why he’s staying with Junhoe now?” His voice broke at Junhoe’s name, and Yunhyeong stood up, walking over quickly to Bobby’s side. He opened his arms for Bobby, and Bobby crashed into him, sobbing hard into Yunhyeong’s chest. His shoulders were shaking so hard that Yunhyeong felt he wasn’t strong enough to hold Bobby together.

“I think… you made the choice for him, Bobby. Jinani hyung might not have said it to me pointblank, but the way you said it…. _When_ you said it was okay…” Yunhyeong’s voice trailed, and it made Bobby cry even harder.

“Butwhywon’thetalktomeaboutitfirst?”

Yunhyeong pulled back so he could see Bobby’s face. He leaned down, wiping Bobby’s tears with his hands and then grabbing the edge of Bobby’s shirt to wipe the snot. “You have to say that again because I didn’t understand anything,” he said softly.

Bobby took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. “Why wouldn’t he talk to me about it first? At least I deserve to know that I’m going to stay in my place—the same place that I’ve been at ever since. I can handle it.”

“Sure,” Yunhyeong said with a small smile.

Bobby rolled his eyes and wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt. “At least I would know,” he said stubbornly. “I deserved at least that.”

“Bobby, you haven’t even told him you loved him. How’s he going to go to you and tell you that hey, I know you love me but that’s not happening when you haven’t said anything?”

“Oh, c’mon, that’s bullshit, hyung! It’s so easy to say that he’s awake the whole damn time and that’s how he knew,” Bobby said, his eyes flashing in pain and anger. “It’s just typical Jinhwan _shit_ , you know? Unable to say the hard things so he’s just going to wait for you to either prompt him and tell him that you know or that it’s just going to go away on its own.”

Bobby shook his head, clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. “I’m done.”

“Bob—” Yunhyeong started to say, reaching out for him but he slapped Yunhyeong’s hand away.

“The least he could do if he’s walking out of my life is to tell me that he’s doing it. Rip the band-aid off the wound, pour some salt onto it by telling me he chooses Junhoe, and hurt me with it. Then maybe we can start speaking again after a few weeks or months? But this? This _thing_ that he’s doing? He made that damn choice by himself and I didn’t even get a say as to how it plays out.” Bobby stood up quickly, causing the chair to topple over and hit the floor in a loud crash.

“Tell him what he wants he gets. As always,” Bobby said, and he turned away, heading for the door and slamming it as he left.

******

“Jinhwan hyung.”

Jinhwan snuggled closer against Junhoe’s chest, as the younger guy played with some strands of his hair. It had been two weeks since he officially moved-in at Junhoe’s place; three since the first Sunday he arrived Junhoe’s door. He was calling it as moving in now as the rest of his stuff from the apartment that he had shared with Bobby was sent to Junhoe’s place, all packed in labelled boxes that he was sure wasn’t Bobby’s doing.

The idea of packing his stuff, yes, could’ve been Bobby’s, but the boxes?

Definitely Yunhyeong.

“I like that you’re here with me,” Junhoe continued in a whisper. Jinhwan opened his eyes but still feigned sleeping. “You’re the last thing I see before I sleep and my mornings are so much better that I see you the first thing, too.” And then Jinhwan felt Junhoe sigh. “But hyung… honey, I can see that something is making you sad and I have a good idea what it is.”

Jinhwan didn’t speak. It was a topic that he had danced away from—which was hard, considering Junhoe always knows how to probe him and he couldn’t keep anything from Junhoe. Ever since Junhoe came into his life, he found it easier to talk to him. Junhoe was a clean slate; he didn’t have any of the history that Bobby knew about him. And the expectations… oh, that one. With Junhoe, he didn’t have any expectations to live up to, because Junhoe accepts him for all that he is.

Bobby was a different story.

“I know you’re awake, you know,” Junhoe said, and Jinhwan can detect the smile in his voice. “It’s something I noticed while you’ve been staying here. Your breathing changed.”

Now busted, Jinhwan leaned back and placed his head on the pillow. “You know that’s creepy, right?”

“Yeah,” Junhoe said, shrugging and giving him a big smile. That smile of his was Jinhwan’s favorite—the one that feels like his cheeks would break and his eyes disappear into thin lines. One time he had teased Junhoe that he looked like a smiling Bulbasaur, and as a joke sent him a photo of him and the Pokémon side by side.

The resemblance was uncanny.

“Hun, please,” Junhoe said, turning serious. Jinhwan started to shake his head, pulling one of the pillows and putting it between him and Junhoe. “Have you talked to Bobby hyung?” the younger guy asked.

“No, I haven’t.”

“For how long now?”

Jinhwan avoided his gaze and started to play with the pillowcase. “Three weeks.”

“Hyung—”

“Junhoe, I know, okay?” Jinhwan said, sitting up, slight annoyance on his face. “I was awake during your conversation with him at your party. And this is not the biggest declaration of love and all, but that’s why I’m here. That’s why I’ve been here for the past three weeks. I’m choosing _you_.”

Junhoe opened his mouth to speak but then ended up just closing it again. He sat up slowly as well, taking Jinhwan’s hands in his, and Jinhwan sighed. He lifted their joined hands and gave Junhoe’s hand in his a light, fleeting kiss.

“I love you, Junhoe,” Jinhwan whispered, and Junhoe nodded. He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss on Jinhwan’s lips, careful not to deepen it.

Junhoe sat back, playing with Jinhwan’s hands. “I know that. And I love you, too,” he said, his gaze on Jinhwan gentle. “But hyung, not like this. If you’re not going to choose him, please have the decency to tell him.”

“Junhoe—”

“Honey, I saw how much Bobby hyung cares for you. He loves you a whole damn lot, you know? If you’re choosing me, tell him. He deserves that much,” Junhoe pressed calmly. “Are you telling me that if the situation was switched, that if you chose him over me, you’d also just drop me like that?”

“No, of course not!” Jinhwan said, indignant.

“Then why are you doing it to Bobby hyung?”

Jinhwan shook his head, his mind making a litany of the reasons that he couldn’t say. Junhoe placed a finger under his boyfriend’s chin and lifted it, so that they were eye to eye. “If you’re not going to do it for him or for yourself, do it for me,” Junhoe said, forcing a smile. “I want a renewed start to our relationship without us stepping on somebody, and without you losing your very best friend in the world.”

Jinhwan sighed, defeated. He dropped his head and Junhoe closed the gap between them, gathering him in his arms. “You’re a bigger man that I ever will be, Junhoe-ah. You know that, right?” Jinhwan whispered. “God, I don’t deserve you.”

Junhoe pressed his lips on Jinhwan’s temple, silently praying to all the gods that he had made the right decision of asking his boyfriend to talk to Bobby.

******

“Ah, he’s back.”

Bobby smirked. He had just slid his keys into the apartment when the guy he had previously shared the place with appeared at the corner. The lock clicked, but he didn’t push the door open.

“I tried my keys, but they wouldn’t work,” Jinhwan said, pushing his hands into his pockets. A blush crept onto his cheeks, as if a sign of his embarrassment.

Bobby turned around and faced him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, I got them changed a week ago.” He removed his cap, unleashing a head of shiny, purple hair with flecks of blue, which surprised Jinhwan. “This one, just three days ago, if that’s the next observation that you’re going to say.”

“It’s beautiful, and it suits you,” Jinhwan said, a sincere smile on his face. “You’ve always said that you wanted to get that hair color. I’m glad you finally did.” He stepped closer, and he saw Bobby grow stiff.

“Can we talk?” Jinhwan said.

Bobby scoffed. “We’re talking,” he said, the sarcasm thick in his voice.

“Bobby-ah, please. I have so many things to say to you—”

Behind his back, Bobby turned the doorknob opened. “You’re three weeks too late,” he said, and without another word, he entered the house. Jinhwan ran to stop him, blocking the door using his arm. He yelped when Bobby slammed the door, his arm stuck in between the door and the jamb. His eyes teared up, and Bobby just stood on the other side of the door, looking at him.

“Shit!” Jinhwan said, pulling back his arm. It stung like hell, tears now streaming down his face, and he looked up to ask Bobby for help.

Jinhwan was met with the coldest pair of eyes he had ever seen.

“Bob—”

He barely had time to complete Bobby’s name when the now purpled-hair guy kicked the door to a close with a soft snap.

“ _Oh_.” Jinhwan’s mouth dropped open, unable to comprehend what was happening. After five full seconds, the shock wore off. He crumpled to the ground in front of Bobby’s doorstep, a sob escaping his chest. The pain he felt at that was greater than the physical pain he was feeling on his arm, and he couldn’t breathe. _Was this it, did I lose Bobby for good?_

He gripped his arm, which was now numb, and fixed the way he was seated, so that he was leaning against the door. He came here with one mission, and it was to talk to Bobby.

“Okay,” he started, his voice strained. His arm was sometimes twitching, but the pain was relatively bearable. “Can you at least let me know that you’re listening to me on the other side of this door? I’m fine with talking to a door if you don’t want to see me or look at me. But at least let me know if you’re also here. Please, Bobby-ah. I won’t leave until you hear me out.”

Jinhwan waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After what seemed like forever, a knock on the door came, and then he heard movement on the other side of the door, as if someone was sliding down to settle against it.

“Okay. I’m here.”

Relief flooded Jinhwan when he heard Bobby’s muffled and gruff voice. He whispered a silent thanks to the universe and took a deep breath. “I love you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Jinhwan heard Bobby’s dry laugh. “You don’t lead with that, hyung.”

“I think that’s the first thing you ought to hear, given what I had put you through the past three weeks,” Jinhwan said with a wry smile. “I love you—so much—and I wish you knew that. I wish I told you, before Junhoe happened.”

“We’ll be writing a different story now if you did.”

“Yeah,” Jinhwan said, shaking his head.

Bobby sighed heavily. “I wish I told you, too. That I love you. Even if Junhoe happened. I wish I fought for you.” Bobby’s voice broke, and Jinhwan hit the back of his head very slightly against the door, the tears flowing down his face now not because of pain in his arm, but by the words that Bobby just said.

“Why him?” Bobby asked after a while. “I’ve been trying to find the answers for it… I want to know why you choose him over me.”

“Is it ironic that the reason why I chose him was because I didn’t want to lose you?” Jinhwan said, letting out a soft exhale after he said it. “If… If I chose you, I am so scared that you’ll see all of me and you won’t like it. That I would disappoint you, as your best friend and as the person that you love. Bobby, whenever you look at me, I see so much admiration. I was your hyung first, after all. I was someone that you looked up to. And loving me—”

“Meant I loved all of that,” Bobby cut in. “I’m not sure if you know about love that much, hyung, but when you love someone—you take everything. The good parts and the bad parts. I wouldn’t have lasted this long if I didn’t love you and all of you, Jinani hyung. I don’t just choose to do that on good days; I have to also make that choice to love you even on days when you make it so damn hard.”

Jinhwan jumped when he felt a loud _thump_ hit the door, and he guessed it was Bobby punching the door. “And you’ve made it hard the past three weeks, you know. I want to hate you so badly, but I couldn’t,” Bobby said, a sob escaping his lips.

“I deserve the hate, Bob,” Jinhwan said. “I hurt you. And I’m very, very sorry for that.”

“I haven’t hit the deck yet. That wasn’t a knockout blow from you. I can still take it.”

Despite their situation, Jinhwan had to laugh. “Stop being a masochist, Bobby.” He waited for Bobby’s response, but nothing came. He was about to speak when the door behind him disappeared—Bobby had opened the door.

The air was knocked out of Jinhwan’s chest as he fell backwards. He was expecting the pain with hitting the marble floor, but Bobby had thought about it, placing a pillow. “ _What the hell…?_ ” Jinhwan asked, and he saw an upside-down Bobby, who had a small smile on his face.

Bobby leaned down, shifting so that he wasn’t upside-down anymore to Jinhwan. He had an ice pack in his hand that he placed on Jinhwan’s arm that got slammed on by the door. Jinhwan winced, but the pain was slowly ebbing because of the ice.

Bobby sat next to him, gazing at him. He brushed the strands of Jinhwan’s hair that was covering his forehead, his touch soft and light, and Jinhwan closed his eyes. He felt the rough pads of Bobby’s thumbs as they dried his tears off, and he slowly calmed down.  

“Bobby…” Jinhwan whispered, his breathing starting to become heavy. He felt Bobby looming over him, but he didn’t want to open his eyes—both because he was scared to ruin the moment and afraid to confirm that this was real.

Bobby lightly brushed his lips against Jinhwan’s forehead, and then pressed a kiss on the heart-shaped mole on his right cheek. It was followed by a fluttering kiss on the nose, and a butterfly kiss on the other cheek.

“Don’t,” Jinhwan whispered, realizing what Bobby was going to do next.

But Bobby didn’t listen.

When Bobby touched his lips against Jinhwan, it was very quick and fleeting that he thought he had just imagined it. Jinhwan opened his eyes and Bobby was still there, looming above him, gazing at him, like they weren’t half-in and half-out of Bobby’s apartment where someone could just walk in on them and see them.

Jinhwan didn’t care.

And it appeared Bobby didn’t, too.

Wordlessly, Bobby closed the gap between them—and this time, Jinhwan was sure he wasn’t imagining it.

The kiss was gentle at first, testing the waters, waiting to see if Jinhwan would respond. Jinhwan had never felt so conflicted—he always wanted to do this, wanted to taste Bobby, wanted to _feel_ him—and this was it.

But he was still with Junhoe.

 _And he didn’t care_.

Jinhwan lifted his uninjured hand up to Bobby’s nape, pulling him closer, as he switched the pace of the kiss from gentle to needy and demanding. And Bobby responded, bracing his arm against the floor so as not to put his weight on Jinhwan, deepening the kiss.

This was what they waited for, for so many years.

They were breathless when they broke apart, with Bobby resting his forehead against Jinhwan’s. He took gulps of air as Jinhwan panted, rubbing his thumb against Bobby’s nape. And then Bobby pulled back, a pained look on his face, as if that kiss wasn’t one of the best he’s ever had in his life.

“Choose the one whom you can’t live without, Jinhwan hyung,” he whispered, and Jinhwan nodded.

******

“Hey. Welcome home.”

Junhoe held his breath at the sound of Jinhwan’s voice. He tossed his keys onto the table near the door, the dread filling his entire being. He didn’t want to come home when he left for work this morning, because he knew what was coming.

Junhoe knew that Jinhwan was going to talk to Bobby. And when he woke up this morning to an empty bed, he knew he lost the war. He had won the battle for three weeks, but the war…

And Jinhwan’s here to deliver the final blow.

He took a deep breath, bracing himself for it. He faced Jinhwan, walking towards his hyung who was seated on the couch. He planted a kiss at the top of Jinhwan’s head, and then pulled a chair to sit across him.

“You look somber,” Junhoe said. “How was the talk?”

Jinhwan clasped and unclasped his hands, and then he took a deep breath. “Junhoe-ah…” When the older guy looked up, Junhoe could see his tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyes.

Junhoe threw his head back, his breathing turning heavy. And then he looked at Jinhwan, straight in the eyes. “I’m not going to make it easy for you,” he said, surprised at how stable his voice is. He bit his lip so that he wouldn’t cry, too.

“I know,” Jinhwan said, his voice hoarse. “And I deserve that.” He leaned forward and placed a hand on Junhoe’s thigh. “I want you to know that I tried. Not tried to love you, because you made that easy to do, Junhoe-ah. You are one of the most amazing people that I’m glad to have met, and you are very easy to love.”

“Just not enough.” Junhoe’s voice broke at the last word.

“Junhoe…” Jinhwan squeezed Junhoe’s thigh. “The last three weeks was nothing short of wonderful. Hell, the last two _years_ was… You made my life so much more colorful, Junhoe. And you’ve made a beautiful home for us here, but it isn’t…” Jinhwan paused, taking a deep breath. “It isn’t _my_ home. I tried but it doesn’t feel right.”

Junhoe let out a shaky breath. “I somehow always knew… that I was a stopover,” he whispered. “I tried to hold on to you and make you feel that I was the final stop, but…”

Jinhwan reached for Junhoe’s hands, and he gave Junhoe a small, sad smile. “Thank you for trying, for hanging on for those two years, and for giving me your best. You loved me well, Junhoe-ah, and I wish that you could say the same for me, but I was grossly unfair to you this whole time. You deserved so much more than what I gave. I am so, so sorry… for all of this.”

Jinhwan stood, pressing a kiss on Junhoe’s forehead. “I’ll come back tomorrow for my stuff and leave the keys under the doormat.” He turned towards the door and was about to leave when Junhoe spoke.

“What did Bobby hyung say?” Junhoe said, and Jinhwan stopped. He looked at the younger guy, who looked as if he was going to break down at any moment. “What did he say to make you realize that he should’ve been the choice that you made?”

“Junhoe, please, you don’t need to—”

“Jinhwan hynug, humor me,” he said with a wry smile. “You’re already leaving me, so at least tell me that.”

Jinhwan sighed heavily. “He told me to choose the one that I couldn’t live without.” He looked at Junhoe apologetically. Then he walked towards Junhoe, wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him in a tight hug.

It took five full seconds before Junhoe responded, placing his arms over Jinhwan’s shoulders, hugging him back. “Please live the best life, Junhoe. And, when you’re ready, I hope we could be friends.”

“Let me think on that,” Junhoe said with a chuckle.  

Jinhwan gave Junhoe one last squeeze before releasing him. “I’m sorry. Again. And thank you.”

Junhoe nodded, reaching for Jinhwan again and pulling him to his side. The first of his tears fell, and Jinhwan leaned his head on Junhoe’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss you,” Junhoe whispered.

“Me, too.”

With a sigh, Junhoe pushed Jinhwan gentle away. “Go on, before I lock you here with me and throw away the key.”

Jinhwan laughed, taking a step towards the door. “Can you give me that Bulbasaur smile, one last time?”

“You’re crazy.”

“Come on, Junhoe-ah.”

Through his tears, Junhoe gave him that smile—Jinhwan’s favorite—and waved goodbye to Jinhwan.

Jinhwan waved back, and then closed the door behind him, wiping the lone tear that fell from his cheek.

******

“You okay?”

Bobby was waiting at the lobby of Junhoe’s apartment as Jinhwan talked to Junhoe. He held out his hand for Jinhwan, who took it, filling the spaces between Bobby’s fingers with his—as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Yeah,” Jinhwan said, shrugging. “I hope Junhoe will be, too.”

“I hope so, too,” Bobby said, his tone sincere. They exited the building, and Bobby shifted their positions, placing his arm over the older guy’s shoulder. Jinhwan wrapped his hand around Bobby’s waist, and they walked for a couple of blocks before Bobby spoke.

“Where do you want to go, boyfriend?”

Jinhwan grinned widely. “That has a nice ring to it.”

Bobby glanced at him, an equally wide smile on his face, too. “You think? I like the sound of it.”

“Anyway, we should go to Yun’s. I think we owe him quite a lot for all the shit we put him through,” Jinhwan said, and Bobby nodded.

“You think he’d cook for us?”

“Shouldn’t _we_ be treating him out?”

“It’s a treat for him if we ask him to cook, you know that, love?”

Jinhwan stopped in his tracks, a playful look on his face.

“What now?” Bobby asked, frowning.

“You’re one-upping me on the name-calling!” Jinhwan said with a pout. Bobby laughed, ruffling Jinhwan’s hair. He pressed a quick kiss on Jinhwan’s lips and then pulled back.

“So, you like the ‘love’ or the ‘boyfriend’?” he asked with a wink.

Jinhwan caressed Bobby’s cheek, sighing. “Let’s just settle for I like calling you mine and it doesn’t matter if it’s ‘love’ or ‘boyfriend.’”

Surprise showed on Bobby’s face, and then it all melted into a thrifty smile. “Smooth.”

“There’s a lot more where that came from, so stick with me,” Jinhwan answered, and he tried to wink but he failed miserably, closing both eyes instead and scrunching his face weirdly.

Bobby laughed loudly, shaking his head at his boyfriend’s tactics. “Always, my love,” he whispered. “Always.”

-THE END-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving you was young, and wild, and free  
> Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet  
> Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound  
> A steady place to let down my defenses  
> But loving you had consequences  
> -Consequences, Camila Cabello


End file.
